September 11th, 2014 was an anniversary for a personal life changing experience for me as well. As a spiritual healer, transformational coach and trainer, I am not offered immunity to trials and tribulations. I would say, it’s quite the opposite. I find myself at times having to strengthen my own core truth and experiencing spiritual growing pains as I embrace my higher purpose. It is in the dark times of our lives that the seed of spiritual inner growth is breaking open and beginning to take root. As the seed develops, it draws from the soil and sustenance of its environment. During the growth period, as its roots are strengthening, it is continually striving to reach through the dirt and darkness and make its way into the sunshine. The seed never breaks open in the sunshine. It breaks open deep in the dark, dirt & soil. The sunshine is where it draws its first and continual breath of life.
6 months prior to 9-11 I experienced what I thought marked the end of an almost two year dark period in my life. Arising from a series of events that finally broke me down and took its toll on me on every level. The experience, so traumatic, affected me not only mentally, emotionally, spiritually, but took a huge bite out of me physically as well. It literally shook and rocked me to my feminine core. And while I cannot share the full details (just yet), I can say that it broke me open to the point that it made me really question the last 40+ yrs of my life, my past, my message, my mission, my purpose, my WHY. Through the support of my own coach and counseling, I began reflecting on the root cause (my belief system) which resulted in my choices, my own deep patterns, and low and behold, I began reliving past traumatic events (that I thought I was “over”, and healed of). Clearly, I wasn’t. I started going deeper into my own dark night of the soul. As I was going through my own past pains and Queening up my own messes, I was in the throes of developing my core training, coaching and empowerment programs. A lot of changes were happening through me. All of which were Divinely guided and inspired.
As a healer, I have experienced the Dark Night of the Soul many times, but this time, was different. I knew exactly what I was experiencing and more importantly, why. I began searching for answers in every dark, beaten, scarred corner of my mind, my heart, my soul. I was begging & pleading for my truth, my real truth. Not my beliefs or my family’s and friends beliefs or even my mentors, colleagues and peers. It was time for me to discover MY CORE TRUTH. MY why. I had discovered that Shania Twain went through a similar experience a few years back. She went through a chain of events that dropped her all the way down. To her very core of existence. She was to discover exactly who she was and to breathe life into her greater self. I knew I wasn’t alone in my quest.
My successes seemed to have taken a back seat to what my current ‘reality’ appeared to me as. Through both counseling and coaching I started unraveling the deep knotty layers of past trauma, wading through the shark infested waters of past abuse, violence and hardships. I really began to doubt myself, my abilities, my gifts, my uniqueness- and my confidence, self worth, and esteem took an enormous hit. There were days when I felt as if I had completely lost any sense of who I was a mentor, coach, trainer, mother, friend and woman.
Forward to today…Because of my experiences- the good, the bad, the ugly AND the truth, it’s allowed me to delve deeper into my cause for authentic women’s empowerment- To stand taller, to Rise to my Size and achieve clarity as clear as a Waterford crystal vase.
As I am preparing to launch my new website in the next few weeks, I am also launching my new transformational coaching and empowerment programs. They truly are “The Queen of all empowerment, transformational, coaching and trainings.” I know this to be true. I am also in the process of creating my nonprofit organization that supports women (especially, single mothers) and children- The system I have developed has been created out of the wisdom of my own pain, my past, and out of destruction and chaotic messes that I was able to truthfully, honestly, awaken from the internal broken lies and Queen up.
What we as a nation experienced through September 11, 2001 was absolutely horrific. That being said, in the wise words of Deepak Chopra, “All great changes are preceded by chaos.” There are always greater things that develop and grow from the destruction. A Phoenix rises from every ash – greater support, stronger communities, new organizations are created to help, more people get involved and causes are lit on fire. And always always, we are called to rise higher.
In closing, I will say, that sometimes as we are desperately trying to put the past behind us, bury it, busy ourselves with outward appearances of wealth, success, surface happiness, forget what has happened, forge ahead, think positive happy happy happy thoughts, we are in actuality, digging ourselves deeper in debt. Emotional debt, mental, physical, financial and most importantly, spiritual debt. If we are not lit on fire every morning with the joys of our hearts, if we are not living the truth of life for ourselves, then we are living a lie. We are stuck in the past. Living and lying in someone else’s story. We are stuck in reverse and cannot truly, honestly move forward because what we want so much to put behind us is exactly the ugly lies we need to face head on and embrace the truth-
The dark fears you’ve so neatly stuffed down and hidden away, will continue to rise up in your relationships and life’s experiences- until you get real, reveal the lies, then face and embrace the truth. Ask yourself this one question and allow yourself permission to answer with the truth:
Am I living my truth, every day, with everyone, in every situation?
It may be the one thing that you need to light up so you can ignite the flames that will burn off the dirt, burn off the lies and rebirth you into your greater, better, bigger self. It is time that you play a bigger game- Maybe that’s the only way you can put the past behind you by lighting your pain on fire- to grow you and rise you higher.
Truth. Mine. I will continue to seek it, I will continue to speak it. I will be the light, the lifeboat or the ladder to help women rise to their royal size.